JustShowUp

Hi everyone!  Just wanted to say hello!  Nursing school started and I am swamped…the baby has been sick and he generously shared with is momma (thank you very much - I really needed that!)  I am so excited about school that I can hardly stand myself!  I can’t believe that I am finally here!

So there is much to learn and they just throw it at you - but that is ok - I am up for the challenge!

My eating hasn’t been great this week - but I did get in a couple of good workouts!  Things will be good once I settle into a routine.  It is nice because there are several of us that are diet/exercise concious so that makes it easier.

I got a new video - The Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga with BOB!!!

It is a GREAT video!  I only did the Week 1-2 section which lasts 35 minutes but I was sweating like a stuck pig!  I LOVED IT!!  And you know - that Bob - OH MY - he is so HOT I would do just about anything that he told me too…downward dog anyone?  LOL  (That’s bad…I know…LOL)

Ok - the word YUMMM-O comes to mind!!

LOLOL!!  Anyway - I miss everyone and hope that everyone is hanging in there!  We can do this people!

(((HUGS)))

Oh my goodness!! I LOVE this thing!  My mom bought it for me for Christmas and it took a week before I could steal it back from my kids because they love it too…LOL  But I have really gotten in to it!  It is a great addition to the things that I already do in my workouts!

The greatest thing about it is that it is FUN!  And when it is so much fun you really look forward to working out.  I find myself wanting to do it several times a day!  LOL!  The boxing really works your upper body and after the first day of trying it my biceps, triceps and back were all sore!  It was great!

The hula hoop game is so much fun and is really silly but if you get into it your thighs will be screaming….LOL  And of course I love the running games…those are just plain fun.  The great thing is the more you do it the better you get and then you can unlock games that are a little more difficult.

I love the Yoga section too…ah heck - I just love yoga…LOL

Do I think that it is enough to accomplish all that I need in every workout? No.  But is it a great addition?  Absolutely!  My 15 year old daughter has even fallen in love with it and I have had to bribe her before to exercise by threatening to take her phone…LOL  So that says it all!

Yes, I fell off the weight loss, exercise wagon for the last week.  I couldn’t even FIND that stupid wagon.  But last night as I was laying around being lazy after eating whatever I wanted for the 7th day in a row I realized that that wagon had GPS and the beeping was loud in my head.

*SIGH*

I had to wonder why I fell of the wagon…I think it was a combination of things.   I am a feeling stuffer - I deal with difficult emotions by ignoring them…and then I work my way into a funk and a bad mood.  This is the first holiday that my daughter was with her dad and we had a quiet holiday with just us.  I didn’t think I was bothered by that but I guess I was.  I have a HUGE emotional hurdle to get over on Monday - my youngest son (he’s 3) is starting preschool/daycare full time and although I KNOW this is a great place for him and it is something that will be good for him, it makes my heart ache…I don’t deal well with that so I ignore it and that helps my funky mood.  Then on Thursday I start nursing school at WSU - I am soooo excited - this is what I have wanted to do since I was 5 and it has taken a long time to get here…but I think I am scared…LOL  As silly as that sounds - I have been a stay at home mom for the last 6 years while going to school at night…now it will be like having a full time job.  I have thoroughly enjoyed staying home with my kids…

Believe me I know that once I get started I will be the happiest and most full-filled person on the planet.  I loved working and being independant.  I love having a busy life.  I loved doing something I was good at and I know that nursing is my calling.

I worry about juggling everything - my husband is not here to help- and he will be in Iraq for most of my first year anyway - I was a single mom for years…but what if I forgot how to juggle it all - LOL  I know I will slip right into the juggling routine right away like nothing…but these are the things that are in the back of my mind that I try to ignore…and that also aids in my funky mood.

But like I said, the GPS was beeping last night and this morning I feel the NEED, yes it is a NEED as real as my need to breath to get back on track.  If I am going to be at the top of my game then I need to be on plan.  I feel so much better and able to handle life when my diet and my exercise plans are working.  So last night I warned my family that today I would be back on my usual routine and that their presence at home was not going to hinder that.  I got up this morning had my egg white breakfast and I am heading upstairs for my first REAL workout since Christmas Day.  I know once I get this workout started I will be back on plan completely.  I know how working out makes me feel and that changes everything.  My funky mood will be history…makes me wonder why I just didn’t force myself to workout days ago…except that I think I needed to be in a funky mood.  It is the only time I think that I really deal with things like missing my daughter or worrying about the new chapter of my life that starts next week…

So my buddies…PERSEVERANCE is the word of the day…

Perseverance is the key for me…keep at it and all will be good.

Happy New Year buddies…and thanks for reading my rant…LOL

(((HUGS)))

Stacey

No lie, and it has nothing to do with alcohol!  I seriously think  it is a food, carb, fat hangover!  NO JOKE!  I woke up this morning around 4 am with a hangover headache from hell and it is still hanging around the fringes of my brain.

We had a nice, quiet Christmas - just Rico and I and the kids.  We had traditional tamales (yummy…=)) for Christmas Eve and  I cooked a turkey with the usual trimmings for Christmas Day and I only had one helping of each - would be quite successful in the food department if that were one of my food demons…

But for me, it is cheese and crackers, chocolate candy and cake.  (at least this year).  My hubby’s sister sent us a box full of See’s Candies for Christmas - not too tempting until I got to these Almond Rocca thingys….

And then taking a page from Catrina’s book I decided to bake a cake to celebrate the birth of Jesus.  I made an old family recipe - A Googlhoopf cake - basically a really most yellow cake with chocolate chips - yummmmmooooo.

I ate too much Christmas day and slightly more than usual yesterday.  I did continue to get a good workout in - even shoveled snow for an hour anda half on Christmas day - just so I could burn extra calories.  I don’t feel like I did any serious damage - and I got up this morning ready to get back to business…

Made my usual egg white, coffee breakfast.  My mom bought me the Wii Fit for Christmas so I am gonna try that out today in addition to walking a few miles..

Just wish this hangover headache would go away - maybe that I will remember it the next time I want to grossly overindulge in bad foods…LOL

Hope everyone had a peaceful, joyous holiday!

Love to my buddies!!1!

So you all know that I started running again…and doing a darn fine job of it too I might add…LOL  I have been running at the 1/4 mile track at my son’s school.  Great place to run.  Then I logged onto a website where you can use Google maps to map out a run in your neighborhood and it calculates the distance.  Which is great…running with a plan - I’m all for that.

So here is my dilemma. About a month ago I canceled my membership to the gym.  I have lost nearly 30 lbs and for the majority of that weight I didn’t exercise at the gym.  I am the QUEEN of working out at home.  I have a gym set up in the garage complete with elliptical, stationary bike and an Olympic weight lifting bar and all the weights to go with it.  In addition to that I have about 15 workout videos that I love and do on a regular basis…from walking to jogging to cardio kickboxing and strength training.  So why pay every month for something that I haven’t used this whole time?  But I have really gotten into the running part…really excited about being able to run for a good length of time…and I want to keep it up.

BUT….it has been snowing all week…LOL  I was running - even when it was like 30 degrees out…but with the snow all over the track and on the road and covering the sidewalk…it seems a little to dangerous to be out there right now.  Since this is our first winter here in the beautiful state of Washington…I have no idea how long the snow lasts here…all winter…or just on and off?

Either way - while I am still able to get a good workout in here at home I am not sure how to keep up with the running.  Yesterday I was so desperate to run that I ran up and down my upstairs hallway for 20 minutes….LOL Back and forth, back and forth like the dork that I am…LOL  I am sure that my son thought I was losing my mind…LOL

But I NEEDED to run….and now I feel a little bit panicky at the idea of not being able to do it for the next few months….wont I get out of practice?  Then will I have to start all over again building up my endurance?  Maybe I can find an indoor track here in the Tri-Cities.  I think I will check the campus at the Univeristy…maybe they have one.

But I would love an suggestions you all might have as to how I can continue my quest to run…

Please help!  I don’t want to go backwards in my progress…it took so long to get here!!!

12.24.07 - approximately 240 lbs. - I just look miserable….

12.18.08

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES!!!  Wow!  I blog my successes and my failures…now I am blogging my reminder.  A reminder to enjoy how far I have come and acknowledge how happy I am and how good I feel.  Sometimes I feel like a hamster on a wheel…always running…always pushing.  I get so focused on what I have to do to lose the weight and what I shouldn’t be doing that I forget to just enjoy the changes.

Every year - like most of us - I make a New Year’s Resolution - and like most of us it is usually something along the lines of losing weight.  This year my New Year’s Resolution is going to be for me to be happy with who and where I am.  To acknowledge my success as well as my failures, to realize that I am who I am - regardless of my size and that being healthy and fit is a life-long journey that needs to be worked toward everyday a little at a time.

While taking this picture today suddenly I remembered something that I had completely forgotten.  I really think this event was the trigger that got me motivated.  I was really depressed and on antidepressants.  Back in July I had a follow-up appointment with my doctor for new prescriptions.   I asked her if there was something medically that I could take that would just give me the energy and the motivation to lose some weight - just to get me started.  She told me that “people like you might find that their only option was some kind of procedure - that gastric  bypass or lap band might be the only way that you could lose the weight that you need to lose”.  I remember thinking - “yeah I am NOT going down that road.   I am not there yet” - I had no medical history or necessity that suggested that would be the only way to go.  At first I was disappointed in her answer…but the more I thought about it the angrier I got.  Why would she think that was my only option?  What did she mean by “people like me”?

Well let me tell you - people like me can get up off their butts and get moving.  People like me can take charge of their life and their health and get fit.  People like me can do what it takes to lose the weight we never though we could and people like me can do what we have to to keep it off.  That’s what people like me do.

Thank you buddies.  This is the place that has facilitated the changes in my life and keeps me in check.  You are my inspiration, my motivation and my lifeline.  The people that I have met here have changed my life.  The support and encouragement that I have received is limitless.

So here is to a new year buddies and to loving ourselves and enjoying our progress and success!

I have been struggling the last few weeks on this journey.  Not with my eating or my workouts…but with my results.  I have all but stalled.  Yes, I did lose 3 lbs. last week…but some of that was courtesy of TOM taking his leave and the other I am pretty sure was water weight that I put on through Thanksgiving.

So I have been stuck - vascillating between 211 and 213….and getting frustrated.  Yes, as Jo reported I have taken the focus off of the scale and have been measuring my success in the changes I have made in my life - the food choices, the need to workout etc.  But still, on some level this treading water on the scale has been bothering me.  I mean it is always there in the back of my head - and I just push it away when I feel like I am getting discouraged.

I was eavesdropping on TEAM #1 on this round of Fitness Survivor.  I was being nosy and reading their thread.  Shaina was talking about her caloric intake versus her caloric output and how the BuddySlim Nutrition tracker helped her up her calories.  Michelle explained about the need for increased caloric needs to fuel our body if we are working out harder.

OK - DUH - GENIUS!!!  I know that - that is not new information for me - so how come I am such a bonehead and that thought never occurred to me?

I track my nutrition and fitness through Sparkpeople.  But I never adjusted my needs after I increased my workouts!  So I have been eating the same amount of calories THE WHOLE TIME!!! No wonder I am stuck!!  I am not working out 45 minutes a day anymore…my workouts are more like 90-120 minutes…I am running now or interval training and I am burning like 7-800 calories…so I am fairly certain my body is hanging on to whatever I eat to fuel itself…

LOLOL!!!  So I am totally fired up by this realization - and scared to death!  Because now is when I have to have faith in the process and the science.  I have to ditch all the brainwashing about “dieting”.  Less is not necessarily more…or better.  I have to trust in what I know and take a leap of faith and eat more….

So I changed my fitness levels and now my caloric intake perameters are 1500-1850 instead of 1250-1600….

So basically what it comes down to is FEAR or FAITH -

My choice…and frankly, I choose FAITH….

Thanks Michelle and Shaina - you two gave me a light bulb moment…

and your not even on my team …uh-oh!  LOL  Seriously, thanks girls!!

Have you ever had something bothering you inside and you weren’t really sure what it was?  You know something is off but you can’t put a finger on it?  That is how I feel right now…so I am thinking if I can blog it then I can work through it.

Tonight for dinner I made meatloaf - I LOVE meatloaf.  But I made it smart using 94% lean ground beef and egg whites instead of whole eggs.   I also made mashed potatoes (from the box - sorry mom…LOL) using fat free milk and corn (not in the potatoes…LOL  Just on the side.)  But now I feel lousy.  Not because of my dinner (it was yummy!) but because for just a moment - a brief moment I slipped back into my old eating habits.  I had seconds of everything!  Haven’t done that in a while.  Not sure why I did.  In the big scheme of things it isnt that big of a deal - I interval trained for 8 miles today and did a half hour of yoga.  So I know I am covered…but still.

I think what is bothering me - and this is the reason for the blog - is that I temporarily forgot where I am right now.  It only lasted long enough to eat dinner - but it happened.  I wonder why that is…I wonder why I can be so focused on what I am doing - making smart choices most of the time - and then for a few minutes I forgot.

What scares me is how easy it was to forget.  At the same time, what comforts me is how quickly I recognized that I forgot.  I am writing this literally 10 minutes after dinner.  I am uncomfortably full and I haven’t felt like this for a LOOONNNGGG time.

I dunno -maybe it doesnt matter that I forgot.  Maybe it matters more that I remembered and caught myself before one meal turned into one day or one month or 30 lbs.

Regardless, blogging has made me feel better - as always.  I KNOW for a FACT that I could not have been nearly as successful at this weight loss thing if I had never found BuddySlim!

You guys motivate me when I am unmotivated, encourage me when I am discouraged, forgive me when I can’t forgive myself, love me when I am unloveable and  that makes all the difference!  Thank you!

Honestly, while there is always room for improvement…I think that I have most of my bases covered.  I have really thought about what got me here and I have worked through most of that.  I have made the necessary changes in my diet and my activity level to accommodate making myself healthier physically.

Emotionally all I can do is take one day at a time, one situation at a time and work throught those things as they come.  I promise to not turn to food, to not use food as an excuse to falter and to remember to always put myself first.  I have realized that putting myself first makes me a better wife and mother.  I no longer feel like I am sacrificing myself for the good of those that I love.  I feel like I can give them everything that I have because I have already taken care of me…

If I continue with these changes I have no doubt I will reach my weight loss goals and my goal of self -comfortability.

I gained this weight because being heavy is safe.  It is like my security blanket.  It keeps me from stepping out of my comfort zone.  If I am heavy then I don’t try new things, I don’t put myself out there and I can blame it on my weight instead of admitting the fear.

Fear of failure - in weight loss, in school, in my marriage, in my ability to parent…

What I plan to do about it is to continue what I have been doing.  I have a strong faith in God and you cannot have faith and fear at the same time…

FAITH or FEAR - my choice…and I choose FAITH.

There is nothing I cannot do if I put my mind to it…so there is no need for the fear anymore nor the fat.  As long as I try and I do my very best then it is not failure.  Failure is doing nothing at all.

So I will honor myself by loving myself and taking care of myself and dismissing the fear when it tries to show its face…..