JustShowUp

So yesterday was a rough day.  Hubby has been home for a week and as any military wife will tell you the first week is the hardest.  The readjusting on both sides is a difficult thing.  Of course, with my hubby, just about the time that we are readjusted and finally back to normal - he is gone again.  And yes, he left again this morning for another week…but this is our life right now…

Anyway - we had an argument yesterday morning about my ex-husband….and that stressed me out…I have a huge test in Microbiology and that is stressing me out.  I have a 3.9 GPA - school is not that hard for me…but this class makes me feel like the biggest dumb ass on the planet!!  So I spent all day studying and then went to class last night.

I came home with a headache - too much studying and not enough eating…

Hubby and my son have been putting up a fence around our yard and they were finishing the last part of it last night.  They grabbed something to eat while they were at Home Depot getting lumber.  When I got home I asked if they had eaten and did they want me to make dinner.

My husband says - “No, we went to Burger King.  I was going to bring you home something from there…but I know you don’t want to eat that stuff right now so is it ok that I didn’t bring you anything home?”

LOL!   So Mr. “I am so insecure that I can’t acknowlege your weight loss” is trying to be supportive!  I couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear!  LOL  It would have been easy to bring me home a Whopper ignoring what I am doing…but he didn’t.  When push came to shove he respected me and my goals and he didnt try to tempt me.

The funny thing is - I wouldnt have eaten it even if he had brought it home…but words cannot express how appreciative I am to him for considering what I want and doing what he can to help me succeed.  Yes, it may seem like a small thing, but to me it is a sign of HUGE progress for my hubby…=)

I received my acceptance letter yesterday from Washington State Univeristy!!  I have been accepted into their Bachelor’s of Science in Nursing Program starting in January!  I am sooooo excited!!!

They had 60 people apply and they only accepted 25 - and I am one of them…LOL

So now I want to lose another 20 lbs before I start the middle of January - so IT IS ON!!!!  The clock is a tickin!

I just wanted to let everyone know the good news and thank all my buddies that wished me good luck and sent prayers my way for that interview last month - apparently I didn’t say anything too stupid…LOL

I have officially lost 24 lbs…that is 10% of what I originally weighed.  That means that I have lowered my risk of coronary artery disease, heart attacks, diabetes and a host of other health risks - all of which I am prone to thanks to my family history.

But in addition to that - I have osteoarthritis.  I was diagnosed 3 years ago.  I have been taking medication twice a day for it since then.  My joints always hurt - particularly my ankles.  It has always taken me a few minutes to get going in the morning since I had to work through the pain and stiffness first…even with the medications.

I am happy to report that I have not taken that medication for 6 weeks now….and I am in NO pain!  My joints feel great!  I attribute this both to the weight that I have lost but also to the consistant working out that I do.  I have consistantly worked out 5 days a week (at least) for the last 2 months.  Never missing more than 2 days a week.  I think that is the key - my joints have been naturally oiled - I am no longer the 37 year old version of the tin man…LOL

To be honest, that is what motivated me to get my big butt into gear - I was coming down the stairs with my 3 year old and I had to go so slow and it hurt so much - and I kept thinking - “Stacey!  You are 37 - not 87!!!  This is pathetic!”  So I decided at that moment I was done.

Imagine how I will feel when I lose the next 10%….=)

Have a great day buddies!!

I think the hardest part about being married is learning to accept your spouse for all their faults and to love them anyway.  I mean when you really think about it - what is the alternative?  Divorce is not an option for me.  Been there - done that…and I will not fail twice.  Plus, being married to a difficult man is not really grounds for divorce in God’s eyes - you know?  After all, He created my sometimes difficult to live with hubby….

My husband is very self-centered.  It is almost like he thinks it is his world and we are all just visiting.  This bothers me sometimes…and the reason I say sometimes is that he has always been this way.  I knew that going in…just like I knew going in that he was essentially married to the Corps….but there are times when it wears thin.  Like right now.

This time around while working so hard to lose this weight I have told basically no one.  Because we just moved to Washington State no one here really knows me.  Usually when I am trying to lose weight - I call my mom , my sister, my hubby and my best friend every time I lose a lb.  This time I wanted to make sure that I did this for me.  So I have told no one - except you guys…LOL

So this whole time my hubby hasnt said a word…yesterday I tell him that I met my goal for the weight that I wanted to lose before the Marine Corps Birthday Ball and the ball is still a week and a half away.  He glossed right over it…like I didnt even say it. Changed the subject to what he has to do for his PFT in December.   In times past he has said that he doesnt say encouraging things because he is afraid that I won’t want to keep going.

Here is the thing - part of my doesn’t care - this change in my lifestyle has NOTHING to do with him - that is the difference this time - it has EVERYTHING to do with me.

But part of me is pissed.  I mean really - does he have that much of an ego that he really thinks that my whole existence hinges on his approval or praise?

So he has no idea how much weight I have lost - I hit the 23 lb mark this morning…and that is a good deal of weight.  I see a huge difference so I know he does to0.  Sometimes I wonder if he is threatened by the weight loss - particularly this time because I think he UNDERSTANDS that this has nothing to do with him.  I know that he has noticed that when we go out to eat that I am only ordering healthy stuff and that I am not eating like I used to.  I did notice that the last couple of times he has also changed a little in the eating department.  Still ordering like he always does - but he is not eating as much.  He also has some weight that he could stand to lose.  And when he has been home - I have been getting in my workouts like planned.  He has had to wait for me to finish my workout before we go run errands…so he know that doing what I need to do for me has become a priority and putting his needs before mine has come to a halt.

I dont know…I am just venting here because I know that if I tried to talk to him about it he wouldnt get it.  He would say something like - “yeah that is great but what do you want me to do jump off the roof?”.

Plus I don’t want to talk about it with him because he needs to keep understanding this has nothing to do with him…and I don’t want him to start thinking that he has the power to influence my weight loss one way or another…because up until this time - he always has had that power.  He loves to eat and so eat we did.   No matter how determined I was to lose weight if he was home I always gave in to the food - it was easy to do…but not this time.

So - I am going to just “keep on keepin on” and when people we know start commenting then he will just have to acknowlege it then…until then -I am going to keep on loving him despite his tendancy to be a jerk and his inability to be encouraging in this matter - for whatever reason.  Cause he is my husband and that is what I signed up for…in good times and bad right?

Ok buddies - I know this isnt my usual upbeat and cheery blog - but I had to get it out so I would stop stewing…LOL

I hope you all know how greatful I am for you guys!!

My husband made me mad today - I mean really, really mad!  Like spittin’ fire - call the divorce lawyer, are you kidding me?, why didn’t I just stay single? - kinda mad….

He hurt his back , the doctor gave him meds, we fought - he went to bed.

I cried for an hour and then I surfed the internet.  I was angry at myself for not getting in my workout today and I wrote an email to my friend Jo telling her how mad at myself I was.  Poor thing - I gave her the long version…LOL  Anyway - as I was telling her why I was mad at myself I mentioned that although I didnt workout today I did stay within my calorie limits…and then it dawned on me…while I was upset over the argument with my husband IT NEVER OCCURED TO ME TO EAT!

I, like a lot of people on here, am an emotional eater - or maybe I WAS an emotional eater!  Because today I was emotionally a mess AND TOM is here - and the thought to go to the pantry to stuff my emotions by stuffing my face NEVER entered my mind…

HOW GREAT IS THAT????

I know that it may not always be this way and that I may fall (occasionally)and be tempted to eat away my emotions…but what I am happy - no THRILLED - about is that not only did I not emotionally eat today but it literally never entered my mind to do so - AND I didnt even realize that part until hours later.

AMAZING….

So those of you that wonder if you will ever get it, or if you can ever figure out a way to not emotionally eat - I can say with 100% certaintly that it CAN happen - and it may be when you least expect it and when you aren’t even trying…so HANG IN THERE - you CAN do it - I am living proof of that - because if I can do it then anyone can!!

I got an email this morning from Sparkpeople.com about the Myths of Happiness.  The bottom line to the article was that Happiness depends on one thing - your own thinking.

My daughter is sad because we moved from NC to WA and she left her friends and her first boyfriend behind.  She wants to go back - I hurt for her but we are not going back.  So I tried to explain to her that she needed to be opened minded and let God bless her new life here.  That being happy is a choice we all make every day.  She is 15 - so this concept is a difficult one for her…

But in MY life I do wake up every morning and I make a decision to be happy.  My life is not always perfect - my kids drive me nuts, my husband can be difficult, my weight depresses me and I feel like I never have enough time to get everything that I want to get done done…but I want to be happy.

I think happiness is a state of mind and although I cannot control everything that happens in my life I CAN control how I react to those things.  If I cannot CHOOSE to be happy now - then more money will not make me happy, being thinner will not make me happy, all the treasures in the world will not make me happy…

So I choose to be happy.  I choose to work hard and to never give up - even when I feel like I cannot go one more step on this journey.  I choose to love my self and honor my body.  I choose to LIVE my life LOVING my life and leaving my self open to the blessings that come my way.

My daughter will learn this one day - happiness is a choice.

My challenge to my buddies today is to CHOOSE HAPPINESS!

Laugh at the scale when it says your up a couple of pounds…be happy that you have the courage to get on that scale in the first place.

Get back on that horse when you fall off and be happy about that journey that put you on the horse to begin with.

Hug your hubby when he says something completely idiotic and be happy that you have someone in your life that drives your crazy!

Kiss your children when they talk back and don’t do what you asked them to do and are trying the last bit of patience you have and be happy that the have a little bit of an independent streak in them - that will serve them well as adults

It is all in how you look at it….choose HAPPY!

Have a fabulously HAPPY day my friends!!

I am over my funk from yesterday!  Although TOM hasn’t showed his face yet I can feel the hormonal shift already and the PMS mind games are over…thank God!  So my outlook is back to normal today - yesterday I was very pessimistic about EVERYTHING and that is sooo not me…but I knew it was PMS so I just waited it out.

I never did get a workout in but that was more to the insane pounding in my head than to my dingaling husband and his stupid comments.  But the amazing thing about working out on a regular basis and eating clean is that when I do those things I have a rockin immune system…so my body fights things off really fast if I get sick at all.  I am feeling 110% better today - no headache and just a little stuffiness.

The scale says I am up 1.5 lbs but for me and PMS that is AMAZING!!  Makes me think maybe I have lost a couple pounds and that might show up once TOM has come and gone…yeah!  Even with all that emotional mumbo jumbo yesterday I didn’t go over my calories.  I was craving CHOCOLATE like a fiend last night and finally I made myself a low fat brownie (made with pumpkin) sundae with some sugar free chocolate ice cream and that SOOOO hit the spot!

So today I have another test in Micro that I am studying for but I WILL get a workout it tonight after class - one way or another!

Thanks for all the support yesterday in regards to my hubby.  I love the man but he drives me cookoo sometimes…and it was nice to hear that I wasn’t just being oversensitive to his boobiness…LOL

Have a great day buddies!!!

I am in a bad mood this morning…TOM is knocking on my door and although I have been a little grumpy the last couple of days - today I am in full Biotch mode….

My husband was home for 2 days after his time in the field and he irritated me the whole 2 days - on one hand I feel bad being grumpy with him when he was gone for 2 weeks but on the other he can be such a guy so  thats what he gets.

I am not a female that needs alot of attention - I have too many kids, too much homework and too many things to do to need a lot of attention.  But I need some.  It kills me that I am not on his list of priorities when he comes home.  His list usually includes things he thinks needs to be done around the house, tv, sports and the internet.

Whatever! On his way out the door this morning he tells me that my son hasn’t been picking up the dog poop like he is supposed to and that maybe he needs to come home every night (he works in another city and comes home on weekends) to make sure that things get done since I can’t seem to do it (ok - bite me!).

So of course I am pissy about that - TOM is here so I am unusually emotional AND I caught the head cold that my son has had all week.  So I feel like crap on top of that.   Now to the point of the blog….I had made up my mind that I was going to curl up on the couch today and hibernate.  I decided I didnt feel like working out and I dont feel like going to class.  I get on the couch with my favorite blanket and start reading the blogs and checking out the forums….

Of course, I am now motivated…maybe not enough to go to class..LOL  But definitely enough to get a workout in.  Granted it wont be as hard as usual cause my head does feel like it wants to explode…LOL

So I am not going to let my idiot husband put me in a funk that causes me to give up on me even for a minute….

I am going to workout and I a guarantee that I will feel better after that - even if that just means that I am not dwelling on things anymore….

So thank you buddies…you always make things better!!

We are a world super power and it is amazing that we have never had an African American or Female president.  It is about time for us to step into the 21st Century!

I am so excited to witness such a historical event in our country!!

So I am shopping today and I notice that my purse strap stays on my shoulder…this is noticeable because I hate carrying a purse because it never stays up…I just assumed that I was not made to be a purse carrying person….but low and behold…its because I had FAT shoulders!!!

That thought never occured me….LOL   I mean when one thinks about one’s fat areas - shoulders don’t come to mind…butt, thighs, stomach those things come to mind….

So now that I am down 20 pounds I guess my shoulders aren’t as fat - which is something that I noticed anyway - they feel like shoulders….LOL  Not like they have the shoulder pads already built in but there are bones underneath….lol

Who knew?